Plan
Name |
Monthly
price |
Minutes
included |
Overage
minutes |
Usage
Guide
|
|
| Security Plan |
$19.95 |
5 |
99¢ |
Includes only enough time to contact Mr. Save Me! and scream for help. |
|
| Chat Pak |
$29.95 |
30 |
49¢ |
Includes enough airtime for a few quick chats. |
|
| Chatter Pak |
$39.95 |
100 |
35¢ |
Includes enough airtime for a few quick chats for those with stuttering problems. |
|
| Kvetch Plan |
$59.95 |
200 |
39¢ |
Ideal for the businessman who's primary purpose for having a cellular phone is so his wife can call and demand to know why he's ten minutes late getting home. Remember - we charge just as much for listening as we do for talking. |
|
| Yak-Yak Plan |
$89.95 |
400 |
25¢
|
Our most popular plan. (Not really, but we're desperate to get people who are willing to pay at least this much a month for their service.) |
|
| Incessant Babbling Plan |
$129.95 |
1000 |
20¢
|
Perfect for those people who just don't know when to shut up. Spittle cup and strap available for additional charge at our accessory counter. |
|
| Local Gossip Plan |
$199.95 |
2000 |
15¢ |
Includes enough airtime to take care of your business as well as everyone else's too. A favorite down at the laundry mat. |
|
| Federal Law Enforcement Plan |
Negotiable |
Negotiable |
N/A
|
Looking for the next Unabomber within our territory? Just give us a call and we'll work you up a flexible deal. |
|
| Owner's Special |
FREE |
Unlimited |
N/A
|
Offer our owner a trade-out for a new cell site location and you're liable to get anything you ask for. |
|
Unlimited Nights
and Weekends |
$9.95 |
Not available with Security Plan or Chat Pak 'cause those people just aren't spending enough money with us. A great deal for those who may be working the swing shift at the Depends plant. Also an outstanding value for the cost-concsious crack dealer.
|
|
New Digital Rates Coming Soon:
These new digital rates everybody is offering are so low, we're still trying to figure out how the hell we're going to make any money at it. Please contact one of our salespeople to find out how we're feeling about it today. We'll likely make you a pretty good deal.
|
